Hey Snake!

This next chick became too "frisky" and dared to change the radio station without Chuck Norris authorization or approval:

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris Yu-Gi-Oh! card (aka the Supreme Card):

LOL!
Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper, and sheds his skin twice a year

Speaking of which, here's another one of his "toilet paper" appearances:

LOL!!!
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly roundhouse kicked to the face.

Once, Chuck Norris made a trip to the Virgin Islands, they had to automatically change the islands name (they no longer became "virgin").

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

Chuck Norris does not use a watch, he decides which hours are the current ones.

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and to this day still owe Chuck Norris a pint.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris speaks 49 languages including Braille.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

I'd jump in and reply with something, but I'm too busy on the ground LMAO!

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin, that's how giraffes were born.

Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by “knit”, I mean kick, and by “sweaters” I mean babies.

Here Are Some Jokes (Not On chuck Lol)

1-A Guy Had A car accident... after that he lost 1 arm... was pale after that , then went to a night club to have fun and cheer up... there he saw a guy with no arms absolute that was DANCIN with joy... He goes to him and Says:
Bro How Come You Lost 2 Arms And Remained Frisky Wile I Only Lost One And Had A Depression???????
HE Replied: Brooo! Who Said I'm Happy, And I'm Not Dancin I'm Trying To Scratch My A$$!

2-A Guy Had A Car Accident...After He lost an eye .... went to the doctor to get a plastic one , the doctor told him to always put the plastic one in a glass of water before you sleep...one day the guy got drunk home and put his real eye by mistake... the other day he got thirsty and drank the glass with the eye not knowing it was there ...
then when he was walkin on the sidewalk when he Thinks (My A$$ Is Killing me) and went to a doc ( after the examination the doc said: Its Been 40 years that i Stared at A$$ES , but never ever did an A$$ Stare at me

3-there is a little girl with her parents that moved to the US...
one day a boy tells her B!tch... she goes to her mom and asks mom what does b!tch mean she said it was People
another day a boy tells her sh!t , asks her mom and tells her it means food
another day a boy tells her D!ck , asks again and tells her it mean tie
then there was a party at her house when poeple come she sais : hello b!tches , Do you want some Sh!t ,
please wait while my mom puts my dads d!ck on!

4-there are 2 married parents with a little girl that closed the door and wanted to (Do it)
then the girl opens it and asks:
_mom what is that ||||| The Mother said it was a forest
_dad what is that ||||| Tha Dad Said It was a Snake
_then asks mom what is that ||||||| she says it's a Lightbulb
then the girl says : Oh I get it the snake entered the forest, he couldn't see so he squized the lightbulbs

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he is telling you how many seconds you have to live.

James100 wrote:Here Are Some Jokes (Not On chuck Lol)

1-A Guy Had A car accident... after that he lost 1 arm... was pale after that , then went to a night club to have fun and cheer up... there he saw a guy with no arms absolute that was DANCIN with joy... He goes to him and Says:
Bro How Come You Lost 2 Arms And Remained Frisky Wile I Only Lost One And Had A Depression???????
HE Replied: Brooo! Who Said I'm Happy, And I'm Not Dancin I'm Trying To Scratch My A$$!

2-A Guy Had A Car Accident...After He lost an eye .... went to the doctor to get a plastic one , the doctor told him to always put the plastic one in a glass of water before you sleep...one day the guy got drunk home and put his real eye by mistake... the other day he got thirsty and drank the glass with the eye not knowing it was there ...
then when he was walkin on the sidewalk when he Thinks (My A$$ Is Killing me) and went to a doc ( after the examination the doc said: Its Been 40 years that i Stared at A$$ES , but never ever did an A$$ Stare at me

3-there is a little girl with her parents that moved to the US...
one day a boy tells her B!tch... she goes to her mom and asks mom what does b!tch mean she said it was People
another day a boy tells her sh!t , asks her mom and tells her it means food
another day a boy tells her D!ck , asks again and tells her it mean tie
then there was a party at her house when poeple come she sais : hello b!tches , Do you want some Sh!t ,
please wait while my mom puts my dads d!ck on!

4-there are 2 married parents with a little girl that closed the door and wanted to (Do it)
then the girl opens it and asks:
_mom what is that ||||| The Mother said it was a forest
_dad what is that ||||| Tha Dad Said It was a Snake
_then asks mom what is that ||||||| she says it's a Lightbulb
then the girl says : Oh I get it the snake entered the forest, he couldn't see so he squized the lightbulbs

Great ones

Jarhead wrote:When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he is telling you how many seconds you have to live.

Here's a rare pic of Chuck Norris when he was a baby:

NICE! LOL! It looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, feels like chicken, and Chuck Norris says its beef, then its fuckin beef.
That counts for milk too.

Oops, sorry %$#

Once, Chuck Norris was robbed, the robbers were never seen again.

Once, A Guy Infected Chuck
The Next Day He Woke Up Pregnant.